I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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