Sry I called you an 8
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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