also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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