the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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