The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
