tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just puked most of my soul out..
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