This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
