first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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