I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
