bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
