i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
