You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
