What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
