Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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