I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
