i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
