it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
