The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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