He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
