I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Vodka?
Forever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
