i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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