I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
