He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
