oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
