matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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