Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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