Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
