hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
