How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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