apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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