try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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