The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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