All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
