His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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