I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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