I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
