whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
