my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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