WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
