look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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