she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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