sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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