I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
