To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
