It's like God shit irony all over that family
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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