i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
