his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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