I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
