In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
