please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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