two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Drake has all the answers
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
