remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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