Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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