i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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