I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
