Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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