Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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