According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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