Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
