You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
