I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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