now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
