Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
this will be a night to untag.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
