This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
