OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
