Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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